Books sitting on my dresser, all started and waiting to be finished

Shantaram, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, I never Metaphor I didn't like, Encouragement changes everything, Stone Heart, Servant Leader, The custodian of paradise.

Small Things

1. Catching a scent from when you were a child, and it bringing you back to where you were.
2. Afternoon Naps
3. Smell of coffee or bacon in the morning
4. Going out and wearing the new clothes you bought that day
5. Being able to smell the rain miles away, and telling someone it's going to rain even though they don't believe you.
6. Running through nature while listening to your ipod
7. Climbing a mountain
8. Going for a drive on a hot day, with the windows wide open
9. Nature letting it's self be heard after a rain storm
10. Mom's
11. Cake
12. Friends
13. Great wine
14. Doing a 360 in your life and starting all over again
15. Watching the sun set
16. Accomplishing a lot at work
17. Helping a stranger
18. Your dog consoling you when your upset
19. Road trips
20. Someone that looks up to you
21. Afternoon naps
22. being alone
23. sleeping in
24. Long morning coffee breaks, chatting with people at the coffee shop
25. Fixing something
26. Visiting your family at holidays, and being transported to the past
27. Watching friends and family from a distance having a great time and laughing
28. That person, you can tell anything too.
29. Lessons learned from heart break
30. Common ground
31. receiving a letter
32. telling the truth
33. pushing the limits
34. Amazing food
35. Reading
36. Meeting someone famous
37. Surviving that grueling day at work
38. when the iPod picks good songs & i don't have to skip a single one that i'm just not in the mood to listen to.
39. the way the setting sun shines through the trees, turning the wet pavement into gold.
40. tv shows that are as funny in rerun as they were the first time you saw them.

......

Tired....

I'm so tired lately, don't know what it is. I should be getting enough sleep, I think I am. I'm running everyday, maybe I should add on going to the gym again. I'm just scared that I'm not adjusting to my new home, or maybe deep down I am not enjoying myself even though I think I am. I guess it just takes time to adjust without your family, friends, and dog. Weekend is coming up already again, nothing planned what so ever. I went to school... yay me. I took a food safe course for my catering company, but it was in the school. And on a saturday pffft. Than I spent time at the office, and relaxed for the rest of the evening watching a classic movie "Highlander" I slept in on sunday and went for a little road trip. Only three hours away, but a city of about a million compared to the three thousand in my town. it kinda made me anxious, but I went to the mall and watched a movie on my own, The Hangover and it was hilarious. Got to see some familiar faces, than drove back home, through an amazing rain storm. Well gots to go.

Chili!

Well this weekend is coming to a close. I spent most of it at a chili cook off. Were we got 4th place out of 17. Loads of beer, random strangers, jokes.... fun time.

-Jawsh

Life Changes

So before I posted about that one person that kept questioning me. I used to work in the Drug and Alcohol rehab field. I loved it and had a passion for it. The clients loved me for my openness and my ability to understand them. There was an individual that would talk about me behind my back, saying I don't know what I'm doing, I'm wrong, and my heart is not in the right place. Being told that I am wrong I can deal with, but being told my heart is not there, I can not. I had meetings with the director about this but the problem was never resolved, and I never got the answer or resolution that I was looking for. I am not saying that running or leaving your problems is the way to deal with it. But sometimes it is the only answer. So I left, I left my job, my family, my friends, my dog, and the city I grew up in. I moved three provinces away, and now I live in the mountains. I can look out my bedroom window and see them silouhetted against the sky. I am happy, I would go into work 7 days a week, even though I was only scheduled for five, just to check on certain students and get to know them even better. I was dedicated. But it was still hard, dealing with other peoples problems, and absorbing them, thinking about them, dwelling on them. I got tired really fast, but only really when the one guy really started to slag about me behind my back. I couldn't take it, I remember bursting into tears one night and my mom hugging me and telling me maybe it was time to move on. She would say remember when you first started at this certain place, the passion you had, the love in your eyes when you would talk about the changes and success's of the guys you helped. That helped for awhile, but it got rough, and I was drained, they say if you devote your life to it that you can only last about 3 years in the field, dealing with the losses. I have had students that I loved, left the program only to kill themselves. I only did last 3 years before I ultimately had to leave. So I left everything. I had my own wine and cheese party tonight, remeniscing about the past, drinking ring bolt 2005, jean bousquet 2007, goat cheese brie, genoa salami, and it was amazing sitting on the deck looking at the mountains. I have been out here only a month and a half but I look better. I have more energy, a tan, I work out everyday. And I have not had to hear anyone else's problems since being here. After being here for two weeks I had already been called a Saint twice. So right now, as I am waiting for my Mom to confirm her visit out, I am truly happy and things are really looking up right. I just miss the old work, family, and friends. But I am strong enough now, that it does not matter. I've moved on, and am creating a new life. Well I could probably type and talk about more, but it's getting late and I am heading out tomorrow for a chili cook off, so later.

-Jawsh

Road Trip

So the other day I got back from a 32 hour driving road trip. It was amazing I got to spend time with a really good friend. You know one of those friends you share your secrets with. I also got to visit my favourite Uncle, and see some amazing mountains. So here's a picture I'll add more later.

Do you dream that the world will know your name?

To that person: You question for the second time where my heart is, if it belongs here. If I am effective in helping these people. why? because I don't flaunt it out in the open? Because I don't parade it around that I stopped that person from leaving and ultimately leading themselves to their own death. Because you hate the fact that I don't conform to your own rules? Because I refuse to wear a tie and collared shirt to the meetings? Because I know how to reach out? Because I can feel their pain? You question where my heart is, I question your place in this world. Your dream is that people will know your name and title.

I dream that the world will know the names of the people I have touched. When I look at the people I am surrounded by, I see them turning into amazing people that go further than I do, that move away from me and touch many more people than I could in a positive way, that go out and do more amazing things then me. I want the world to know them.