Christmas already?

Well yesterday was only the 5th of december, but alas I was a a christmas party, which I ended calling it quits after 6 hours, but meh I'm not a big partier. Well maybe I was last night but believe me it was nothing compared to the other guys. So after eating calarami, nachoes, 4 beers, 2 doubles of jack, bananas and blow, liquid cocaine, and of course a couple of tequila's and jager's. Supper was mixed in there between the doubles. I figured it was time to go home, the rest of the crew stayed till closing, went to another bar stayed there till closing, and then went to someones house. So needless to say I was more than likely the first person awake this morning. Hmm and that is apparently a work christmas party, I did get a pass for the snow hill, and a winter jacket so that was really cool. I went to the office to type this today, I was getting tired of lieing in bed and typing e-mails.

Conversation

Me: I was hoping u were not leaving till monday afternoon since u sleep a lot. Nd we could've had beer nd nachoes b3 u left :(

Jodie: Beer and nachos ruke. And I am a big fan of sleeping. But alas my friend amy was able to get an extra day off and now we have an extra.

Me: Maybe she likes beer bd nachoes? Bd guys she's never met.

Me: My phone should know beeter nd stop putting bd instead of nd.

Jodie: I think she most definitely does. But we're pretty much leaving right at 3 because we have to make it to Missoula by 10

Me: I'll survive, I'll be a little dissapointed. But we'll neet again someday when we are both cats.

Jodie: Cats? Fire your phone.

Me: Cats was on purpose, havn't u seen vanilla sky with Tom Cruise, nd Ms. Cruz

Jodie: Not in Ages!

Me: Thats what she says

Me: In the movie

Jodie: Oh. WEll quoted, then. I need to watch that movie again.

Me: I'm going to be a pure black one, so I can instill fear in those that are superstitious.

Jodie: I want to go to heaven

Me: All cats go to heaven

Jodie: After 9 of their lives

Me: We could do both Im famous, heaven nd cats

Jodie: I'd like to be a jellyfish instead.

Me: Well cats can swim, it'll be n unlikely pairing like a hobbit nd a human on some crazy adventure.

Jodie: Or I can live in vancouver aquarium and you can just come visit.

Me: I don't think glass seperation would'nt be as fun.

Jodie: Well I'm planning on having telepathy as a jellyfish.

Me: Good thinkg cats r naturally telephathic

Jodie: and good thing that none of this is ever going to happen so we can pretend it makes sense.

Me: Nd I quote "never never want to grow up"

Jodie" And I add: ever.
Me: ok I'm freezing right now, I should have worn long johns

Jodie" I wear my long johns everyday.

Me: thats silly

Jodie: No it's necessary and comfortable.

Me: I'm uncomfortable in lots of layers.

Jodie: But long johns are tight and therefore comfy

Me: Boxer briefs are tight nd comfortable then adding another layer of tightness is not always that comfortable, plus it's hard to scratch when you keep adding layers.

Jodie: Thats why underwear is something to be sacrificed for warmth. It's not even a word I know during wintertimes. For the sake of layering of course.

Me: Suppose that could work.

Jodie: I just made some delicious blueberry vanilla syrup

Me: Sounds delicious on waffles.

Jodie: Or crepes with raspberries

Me: or in a cup

Jodie: or in an IV drip.

Me: U could even lick it off a table or a human being if ur into that.

Jodie: vanilla sugtar makes all things possible.

Me: Very true, it even makes your car faster if u put it in your gas tank.

Jodie: It actually turns your car into a rocketship.

Me: THen you can go where no space ships go.

Jodie: Thats why it's the greatest thing ever.

Jodie: Lindsay Lohan should probably never act again.

Me: Oh agreed she's got nothing on Anne hatheway

Jodie: I'm making the greatest tacos ever tonight.

Me: I'm having pizze wishing I was having taco's.

Jodie: With shrimp for the meat eaters and homemade refried beans for me.

Me: I make amazing guacamole

Jodie: Yeah mine has been described as both epic and orgasmic.

Me: Mine has killed babies it's so good.

Jodie: Mine killed Chuck Norris

Me: Mine killed lindsay lohan

Jodie: you deserve an award.

Me: Nd a free trip to the avocado awards held in St. Petersburg russia

Jodie: Right. The worlds biggest avacado producers.

Me: Um thats not supposed to be spread around.

Me: I'll see you soon cold play song

Jodie: Ohhhh. How about a miley cyrus song: I can't wait to see you again.

Me: boo.

Jodie: Miley is the bomb. Take that back.

Me: I will not take it back! She's next on my guacamole hitlist, Nd so is trace cyrus, but not billy ray I like the cut of his hair nd his jib.

Jodie: Well it was nice knowing you. I was a fun friendship, shake shake shake shake shake it.

Me: Is miley cyrus hannah montanna?

Jodie: Sometimes it's complicated.

Me: Ok she can live if she rocks the whole dual personality, I don't know about trace though.

Home

I returned from home early this morning, about 3am. I planned on having a lazy morning, waking up late, coffee, breakfast. Turns out my alarm was still on home time, so I was up earlier than I had planned, was very confused why it was so dark. And why my neighbor was just leaving for school when I was getting into my car to go to the office. Home is great, it's warm, loving, full of memories, friends that still exist, dreams that you used to have but were told you could not have them when you left home, your free to dream them again. Your free to be free, have no schedule stay out extra late, enjoy the cold, and the stars in the clear sky. Turn your phone off and be unavailable, stop for as many coffees as you want. Watch others grow up around you, and than swear you'll be peter pan forever, you'll just find a new gang of lost boys. Who will not get hair cuts, wear grass stains, drink coffee and smoke too much, go on adventures, and never never want to grow up....

1 more day

So 1 more day, which is tomorrow, and I make the 3 hour drive to the big city to get on a plane and head to my home town. I am excited to see everyone, a little more excited than I though I would be. Also this my first night back in civilization, and definetly do not like it as much. I enjoyed the peacefulness of the very black nights, and no one around me except for the doodles. Her in town, I am still on my own, but not as much since there are people that live above me. Another best friends wedding I am heading home for, and I honestly have mixed feelings about it. 2 best friends get married within 3 months of each other, and makes me feel alone, and like I am not moving on. But I took the road less travelled and left everyone behind to live where I live now. I am enjoying myself and I am happy, but I am always ready for something new, a new challenge, or just too move on again. I am supposed to be giving a presentation at the highschool here, the day after I get back. Which I am antsy about since, I really really hate public speaking even though ppl say I am good at. I am trying to find a way that I do not have to do it but just be there, since someone from the board of directors has to be there. Well I gotta send some e-mails to see if I can get out this.

So bored...

I keep finding ways at the office not to do actual work, like checking my facebook, playing a trucking simulator, typing new blow posts, going to get coffee. Just so I can get to the end of the day, and go home and do the usual stuff. IE: Tonight I have to cut kindling, if I want to have a fire to heat the house, fuel and wash the car since it is sitting in the carport with the gas light on. Get back seats of the truck folded down and vacuumed to pick up the dogs tomorrow, vacuum bedrooms, put away dish's, make a bed, make supper, and of course watch 2-3 episodes of house while doing all of this. So I'll be at the office for another 2 hours or so "working", before I head home. Wine pairing dinner on friday to plan for our next even which is in about 2.5 months, installing some stairs on saturday, than off to canmore on sunday to visit a friend. Well I guess those are my plans for the week, while also managing to get some actual stuff done at the office. Today I wore sweatpants to the office, which I never do, but who's going to tell me not too? If I go out for coffee people always seem to ask, are you working today? When I wear sweat pants, but they are comfortable.

-Jawsh

None of us are free

As I type this on my new panasonic toughbook which was a birthday present to myself.(hold on grabbing a beer)Anyway as I type this I am listening to Solomon Burke, a really awesome blues musician, the song playing is "None of us is Free" Hence the title of this posting. Not that I actually think that none of us are free (that we are all bound by our beliefs, relationships, bills, love, hatred) I think I'm free, I'm sitting here drinking a beer in my boxers, watching House and typing a new post. I did turn off my internet connection while I type this since there is no actual internet out here, just a 3g connection, so if I let it idle forever it would cost an arm and a leg. Which kind of takes freedom away but I digress. I keep getting distracted by the tv, I forget what I was actually going to type about. Does anyone actually read this?

Another year older

So tuesday was my birthday, I am now 23. One of the ages where it doesn't matter so much, your just a year older. It was a pretty normal day, I only worked half day, than went to the gym, and back home. I did some cleaning, than went back to town to meet my Uncle and Auntie for supper, dropped my auntie off at the library than went to the bar with my uncle and met a couple of other people. After that I drove home, but had to take a different back route because the hill was closed, that was fun, it was a really steep grade, backwoods, gravel, pitch black way to go. I watched a movie than went to bed. And that was pretty much my birthday. My brother had called at 530AM to wish me a happy bday, my mom called, and I got a bunch of text and facebook messages. Yesterday I received a gift in the mail from a really good friend back home, and card from my sister and brother in law. I think that was the best part, receiving a written acknowledgment of my birthday, even though it was two days later. Well got to get back to work.

questionnaire

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair, morning showers seem to take 10 minutes longer than afternoon showers not sure why.

2. What colour is your favorite hoodie?
blue.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes.

4. Do you plan outfits every day?
Not really, just open the drawer and go, I like pretty much everything I have.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Bored, waiting for the truck to be done at the shop.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
A tin of chew...dont tell my mom, on second thought my boxers and they are a lot closer than the tin.

7. The last dream you remember having?
it would take to long to recollect

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
yes.

9. What are you craving right now?
lunch.

10. Do you floss?
everyday.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
braised cabbage, or borschte

12. Are you emotional?
no.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
why would I do that, but no I have not.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
both.

15. Do you like your hair?
yes, needs a trim though.

16. Do you like yourself?
yes.

17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
yeah as long as someone else was picking up the tab.

18. What are you listening to right now?
taxidermy by white lies

19. Are your parents strict?
Nope.

20. Would you go sky diving?
yes.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
I do indeed.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
a couple.

23. Do you rent movies often?
yeah! I love movies, even if I am watching them on my own.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
nope.

25. How many countries have you visited?
2

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
haha yeah

27. Ever been on a train?
sure have.

28. Brown or white eggs?
brown

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
do I ever.

30. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah sometimes.

31. Do you own a gun?
yes

32. Can you use chop sticks?
for sure.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
myself, pretty typical though.

34. Are you too forgiving?
I can be.

35. Ever been in love?
Yeah.

36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
um, not sure, they live in a different province, so I would have to call to find out.

37. Ever have cream puffs?
if your talking about the food, yes.

38. Last time you cried?
last month

39. What was the last question you asked?
wanna help me grocery shop?

40. Favorite time of the year?
summer.

41. Do you have any tattoos?
2.

42. Are you sarcastic?
I love sarcasm

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
I have.

44. Ever walked into a wall?
yes.

45. Favorite color?
blue.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
lol yes.

47. Is your hair curly?
straight.

48. What was the last CD you bought?
hmm, don't know

49. Do looks matter?
no.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I could forgive doesn't mean I would give another chance.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
some months

52. Do you like your life right now?
I do.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No, I sleep with audio books all the time though

54. Can you handle the truth?
I love the truth, and would rather know it, even if it hurts.

55. Do you have good vision?
perfect.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
nope.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
meh, depends how many people call.

58. The last person you held hands with?
I don't remember.

59. What are you wearing?
um red volcom boxers, white socks, blue and white dcs, grey tshirt, red and grey hollister hoodie, oh yeah and blue volcom jeans.

60.What is your favorite animal?
dogs!

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
in the forest

62. Can you hula hoop?
absolutely

63. Do you have a job?
2

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
groceries and beers

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
oh loads, I'm a regular hell raiser.

Band of Horses + friends

The night was cold, and windy. But we didn't care we were sitting on top of a stone wall, swigging bourbon from the bottle, eating poutine, and listing to band of horses waft over from the car. We watched all the lights down below, that made the town look so much bigger than it really was. Talking about memories from our old home town, family and friends. Waiting for the bourbon to warm us up before the night was over. And then.... we drove terrified down the mountain because we both have an over active imagination, waiting for someone to jump out of the backseat or appear in front of us, as we were hitting the winding curves way to fast. Awesome night.

-Josh

Whats new?

I spent some time reading through my blog this afternoon, and realized I really come across as a lonely person. Haha, I am a bit but not much. I guess not a lot has changed, the catering company is going well, and I am now on the board of directors for a charity that has the sole purpose of supporting and helping children that have been victims of sexual abuse. No dog yet for me, but I am dog sitting for someone else here in town. Fall is here which means winter is around the corner, which means snowboarding!

-Jawsh

Trying to relax

So it's been a 63 hour work week so far. The farmers market it is finished and I had a huge sense of relief afterwords, I was happy. The next day was my first real catering event and it went amazing. I worked until midnight than went home to bed. I slept till 9 and got up to get ready to the office. When there I found that I really couldn't get through the mountain of paper work to do. So I headed to the pub for a bite and a couple of pints. I went home and went back to bed and slept till 7pm. I guess I am kind of lonely so sleeping takes the day a way and I don't have to be as lonely. I went shopping for groceries and talked to my mom and phone. I cooked myself something up that she would have made for me. Now I am watching a movie (end of days) and thinking about heading to the office tomorrow to get through that pile. Well the woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-Just Jawsh

Fire!

So first day back to work, rocking some great AE plaid. Breezed by so much to catch up on, and still lots to do. Came home and went for a great run, one of those runs where you just want to keep going. I should've but I did not. I just came back from traveling home for a friends wedding (I was a grooms man) It was a good time visiting friends and family. On my last night there my parents house caught fire in the kitchen. So I got to play Captain Josh again, and get people out, as I fought through the smoke, my heart racing. Wheres the fire extinguisher? I can't see, out for breath, back in where is it? Out for breath, back in, it's underneath the sink. Rip off the safety, you know what your doing, you got this. Spray, back off, the flames come again, keep spraying. It's out! You can't breath! Your dog is in your room in the basement! Get her out! Don't let her breath in! Fresh air. Go back in get your phone and call the fire department. That was my exciting last night, the fire department came and ripped out cabinets, and chopped holes in walls. But in the end the smoke cleared, and we were able to stay in the house for the night if we wanted to. So after a day of traveling, I'm back home. And thinking about the future. Whats to come, where are you going? You know the usual stuff. So back to work, back to working at getting the other company up and running. Well that's it, I didn't have a plan of what I was going to type today, and thats what came out.

hmmm

Well my life is not that interesting so I am trying to think of something while I type this. Business is expanding and there is lots of projects on the horizon so that is good. I booked my flight back to my home province today for a visit. I am excited to see my family. My truck got fixed today, which I am excited about, still have to get a tire repaired since there is a screw in it. Um I'll try to think of something to type in the near future.

I’ve come to realize that my job. . .is going to have ups & downs, good days & bad, pros & cons, but when they all balance out (as inevitably they do) i've got it pretty darn good.

I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . . I need music.

I’ve come to realize that I need. . .balance, and quiet time to recharge in order to achieve it.

5. I’ve come that realize that I have lost. . .very few things of real value.

I’ve come to realize that I hate it when. . .i am belittled, not taken seriously or spoken to in a condescending manner.

I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk. . . Doesn't happen.

I’ve come to realize that money. . . is.

I’ve come to realize that certain people. . .thrive on drama and i will never be able to comprehend that.

I’ve come to realize that I’ll always. . .be a generally quiet person and that's ok.

I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s). . .lead lives that i can't possibly imagine, given the distance between us.

I’ve come to realize that my mom. . . Is the most amazing person I know.

I’ve come to realize that my cell phone. . .Does not come with me on runs.

I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . .I don't know whats coming, but I'm ready.

I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep. . .i was completely content.

I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking. . .just about this post.

I’ve come to realize that my dad. . .really does love me.

I’ve come to realize that today. . .will be what i make of it.

I’ve come to realize that tonight. . .could change at a moments notice.

I’ve come to realize that tomorrow. . .is another chance.

I’ve come to realize that I really want to. . . Row.

I’ve come to realize that life. . .is series of unexpected twists & turns but how you react to them is what matters.

I’ve realized the best music to listen to when I am upset. . .reflects my thoughts & feelings in its lyrics.

I’ve come to realize that my friends. . . are there.

I’ve come to realize that this year. . .has been full of changes and more to come.

I’ve come to realize that maybe I should. . .remember to listen carefully to my gut; it's always proved very wise.

I’ve come to realize that I love. . . hiking alone.

I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand. . . relational drama.

I’ve come to realize my past. . .only affects me if & how i allow it to.

I’ve come to realize that parties. . .are only fun if you know at least one person.

I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified. . .of being a disappointment to someone that i love.

I’ve come to realize that my life. . .is pretty amazing filled with more blessings than I deserve.

Canada Day

Happy Canada day! Well not too eventful, did not have to work which was nice, since I don't start work till tuesdays anyway. Woke up around 8 and went kayaking around nine, which was awesome and relaxing. Work is getting busy and hectic, talked to my boss today which is also my uncle and hopefully worked some things out of how we were talking to each other. Well less than a month and I'll be headed back to the home province. I really wanna get a border collie.

-Josh

Deer VS Dog

So it’s been awhile since I updated I’ve been working 11-12 hour days so I have been tired. My weekend starts today though, so I am looking forward to getting out and hiking, or maybe kayaking. Or both we’ll see how it goes. The weather is getting hot here. Had to slam on the brakes in town today because a deer was chasing a dog through town. The dog looked pretty sketched out, but then again so would I if a deer was chasing me. Had our first farmers market today and our booth sold out and got a lot of good responses, even our picture taken by the local paper I’m pretty stoked. But that’s about it for now.

Tail Gating

Lots of these weekends go by, and if you ask me what I did for the weekend, I'll say oh not much. Not because I didn't but more so because I don't remember. So in an effort to sharpen my weekend memory I am going to type it down. Friday I was out of town for the whole day, I had to drive to the big city to big up a door for the jobsite. I then went to the mall since we don't have one, and got myself a new haircut. After that supper by myself at east side mario's. The drive home, was quick and painless, mostly because the car in front of me was an SL55 Amg, and the one in front of him a Z06. So we were like 3 bats out of hell. Got to bed around midnight, and even though I was awake didn't get out till 12. Saturday I had some chores to run in town, and of course get a coffee. Than I went for a hike, just me and my ipod. I ended up on a very steep old bike trail over looking the river. So I decided to pretend a mountain cat was chasing me, and ran like hell, jumping over trees, up inclines, down, under trees, in between trails, all while trying to stay on the trail, that if I slipped I would fall to my demise. That is of course until my phone rang, which I was kinda surprised that I had it for one, and that I had reception for another. My uncle calling me to remind me about the Golf fundraiser we were going to that night. Sunday I was up for church, then filled the day with house chores, visiting the client at the job site. Than preparing for our hike/bbq. We ended up not hiking, but tail gating by twin lakes, which you can cliff dive into. I was the youngest person there by 25 years at least. But I always have a blast with that group. Everybody still reeling from the death of a friend, but also laughing and having a great time. I left early as I am driving to the big city again tomorrow, and need sleep for driving. Something about driving 3.5 hours, and the loud hum of the diesel F350 make me sleepy.

The Fragility of Life

I was so excited today when I found out there was an update for the iphone, that would pretty much fix everything I have ever complained about it since I got. It really is a contender for the blackberry now. So I left the office, and raced home to get my macbook, and cords. While waiting for the download, my uncle told me that he was leaving the coffee shop and would not be able to bring my coffee as he was in a rush and had to get to the jobsite. He also said, by the way one of my biking friends died last night. I was stunned, I asked who, and was like Uh...fuck...um we we're trying to talk to him yesterday in the coffee shop and he just walked out. "You mean Brian!??" Yeah, Jesus..... We were all stunned. He went for a bike yesterday and he was always the guy that was ahead of the pack, wanted to go faster and not wait for anyone. He seperated from the group, they found him an hour and half later by his bike it looked like he was trying to fix a broken chain. It stuck with me all day, especially on my run. How it ended so quickly....

Books sitting on my dresser, all started and waiting to be finished

Shantaram, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, I never Metaphor I didn't like, Encouragement changes everything, Stone Heart, Servant Leader, The custodian of paradise.

Small Things

1. Catching a scent from when you were a child, and it bringing you back to where you were.
2. Afternoon Naps
3. Smell of coffee or bacon in the morning
4. Going out and wearing the new clothes you bought that day
5. Being able to smell the rain miles away, and telling someone it's going to rain even though they don't believe you.
6. Running through nature while listening to your ipod
7. Climbing a mountain
8. Going for a drive on a hot day, with the windows wide open
9. Nature letting it's self be heard after a rain storm
10. Mom's
11. Cake
12. Friends
13. Great wine
14. Doing a 360 in your life and starting all over again
15. Watching the sun set
16. Accomplishing a lot at work
17. Helping a stranger
18. Your dog consoling you when your upset
19. Road trips
20. Someone that looks up to you
21. Afternoon naps
22. being alone
23. sleeping in
24. Long morning coffee breaks, chatting with people at the coffee shop
25. Fixing something
26. Visiting your family at holidays, and being transported to the past
27. Watching friends and family from a distance having a great time and laughing
28. That person, you can tell anything too.
29. Lessons learned from heart break
30. Common ground
31. receiving a letter
32. telling the truth
33. pushing the limits
34. Amazing food
35. Reading
36. Meeting someone famous
37. Surviving that grueling day at work
38. when the iPod picks good songs & i don't have to skip a single one that i'm just not in the mood to listen to.
39. the way the setting sun shines through the trees, turning the wet pavement into gold.
40. tv shows that are as funny in rerun as they were the first time you saw them.

......

Tired....

I'm so tired lately, don't know what it is. I should be getting enough sleep, I think I am. I'm running everyday, maybe I should add on going to the gym again. I'm just scared that I'm not adjusting to my new home, or maybe deep down I am not enjoying myself even though I think I am. I guess it just takes time to adjust without your family, friends, and dog. Weekend is coming up already again, nothing planned what so ever. I went to school... yay me. I took a food safe course for my catering company, but it was in the school. And on a saturday pffft. Than I spent time at the office, and relaxed for the rest of the evening watching a classic movie "Highlander" I slept in on sunday and went for a little road trip. Only three hours away, but a city of about a million compared to the three thousand in my town. it kinda made me anxious, but I went to the mall and watched a movie on my own, The Hangover and it was hilarious. Got to see some familiar faces, than drove back home, through an amazing rain storm. Well gots to go.

Chili!

Well this weekend is coming to a close. I spent most of it at a chili cook off. Were we got 4th place out of 17. Loads of beer, random strangers, jokes.... fun time.

-Jawsh

Life Changes

So before I posted about that one person that kept questioning me. I used to work in the Drug and Alcohol rehab field. I loved it and had a passion for it. The clients loved me for my openness and my ability to understand them. There was an individual that would talk about me behind my back, saying I don't know what I'm doing, I'm wrong, and my heart is not in the right place. Being told that I am wrong I can deal with, but being told my heart is not there, I can not. I had meetings with the director about this but the problem was never resolved, and I never got the answer or resolution that I was looking for. I am not saying that running or leaving your problems is the way to deal with it. But sometimes it is the only answer. So I left, I left my job, my family, my friends, my dog, and the city I grew up in. I moved three provinces away, and now I live in the mountains. I can look out my bedroom window and see them silouhetted against the sky. I am happy, I would go into work 7 days a week, even though I was only scheduled for five, just to check on certain students and get to know them even better. I was dedicated. But it was still hard, dealing with other peoples problems, and absorbing them, thinking about them, dwelling on them. I got tired really fast, but only really when the one guy really started to slag about me behind my back. I couldn't take it, I remember bursting into tears one night and my mom hugging me and telling me maybe it was time to move on. She would say remember when you first started at this certain place, the passion you had, the love in your eyes when you would talk about the changes and success's of the guys you helped. That helped for awhile, but it got rough, and I was drained, they say if you devote your life to it that you can only last about 3 years in the field, dealing with the losses. I have had students that I loved, left the program only to kill themselves. I only did last 3 years before I ultimately had to leave. So I left everything. I had my own wine and cheese party tonight, remeniscing about the past, drinking ring bolt 2005, jean bousquet 2007, goat cheese brie, genoa salami, and it was amazing sitting on the deck looking at the mountains. I have been out here only a month and a half but I look better. I have more energy, a tan, I work out everyday. And I have not had to hear anyone else's problems since being here. After being here for two weeks I had already been called a Saint twice. So right now, as I am waiting for my Mom to confirm her visit out, I am truly happy and things are really looking up right. I just miss the old work, family, and friends. But I am strong enough now, that it does not matter. I've moved on, and am creating a new life. Well I could probably type and talk about more, but it's getting late and I am heading out tomorrow for a chili cook off, so later.

-Jawsh

Road Trip

So the other day I got back from a 32 hour driving road trip. It was amazing I got to spend time with a really good friend. You know one of those friends you share your secrets with. I also got to visit my favourite Uncle, and see some amazing mountains. So here's a picture I'll add more later.

Do you dream that the world will know your name?

To that person: You question for the second time where my heart is, if it belongs here. If I am effective in helping these people. why? because I don't flaunt it out in the open? Because I don't parade it around that I stopped that person from leaving and ultimately leading themselves to their own death. Because you hate the fact that I don't conform to your own rules? Because I refuse to wear a tie and collared shirt to the meetings? Because I know how to reach out? Because I can feel their pain? You question where my heart is, I question your place in this world. Your dream is that people will know your name and title.

I dream that the world will know the names of the people I have touched. When I look at the people I am surrounded by, I see them turning into amazing people that go further than I do, that move away from me and touch many more people than I could in a positive way, that go out and do more amazing things then me. I want the world to know them.