Im not going to.

Im not going to be posting for awhile.

-Josh

"Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life."

A friend of mine stopped by last night, you know the kind that just walk through the door, without saying anything. The kind that walk up to the fridge grab a beer, than open your patio doors to go out for a smoke, before you have really registered they are there. We were standing outside, huddling by the bbq because it was cold out. He said

Z: You know what would be better than a bbq.
J: Go on then?
Z: A fire.
J: I have a shovel, lets dig a whole in my back yard (he said at the point that he mentioned fire, my eyes lit up, and he knew we were going to do it)

We set off, in the truck, picking up broken pallets, and fallen trees, than headed back to dig the hole. The sky was incredibly clear, you could see the moon as if it was even closer than usual, all the stars were bright. It had been blowing wind and raining the whole day, but when we started that fire, it seemed the wind had stopped just for us. There were potatoes baking in the fire, cold beer, music, and companionship. I realized that it was nothing out of the ordinary, this is something you could do everyday. Than I looked up at the sky, and a good song came on.

J: This is brilliant, its so clear out.
Z: It's incredible.
Z: I think I just might cry when you leave.
J: I love this song.
Z: Thats why I chose it.

Looking up at the sky, time stopped. Before I knew it, it was midnight, and I knew I was going to have an incredibly tough time getting up in the morning. As if to cheer us on for, partying on a school night, the fire just so happened to look like this.

It had formed the anarchist symbol, all on its own. It was kinda strange actually.

"feels like some kind of ride but it's turning out just
to be life going absolutely perfectly"
— Brian Andreas

This is.

Me preteneding to know what I am typing about. I think the biggest question to any person that blogs is that they do not know what they are going to blog about when they sit down to do it. Some people find inspiration from past experiences and can tell a great storey based on that. Others will post about what is going on in their life. Where as I am not really that old enough to blog about past stories, or really have interesting things going on in my life right now. Which leaves me with mundane life stories to talk about, that do not exactly enthrall my readers. But I do try for the most part. This is me trying but still have not come up with anything after typing this and up until this point. I'm not going to lie, but my life is a lot easier than most peoples. I certainly do not work as much as other people, I work probably an average of 25 hours a week, and still make enough money to survive in a resort town, while fueling my very strong desires of alcohol and nicotene. I call them strong desires, as I do not like to refer to either of them as addictions. I like to think that I can drop anything I want too, as naive as that sounds. For instance, if I am actually working on a jobsite, instead of working in an office, which does nto happen often. I find that I intake 0 nicotene through out the whole time I am there. As long as I am occupying both parts of my brain, such as critical thinking, and hands on. I dont desire anything else, other than to complete the job that I am doing. Where as if I am sitting in front of a computer all day, it does not occupy my mind enough, numbers do not do enough for me. It wouldnt be unheard of to have a drink at lunch, and maybe one through out the afternoon of work, just to ease me into a work mode, where I can deal with the dullness of sitting in front of a computer. This is not to say I do not enjoy my job, I very much do. I enjoy having the free time, so that I can finish working out in the afternooon. Or I can take the dog out and go for a hike, or to head off early and go fishing. Hmmm I think the only solution to this quandry, if it is even a quandry since I already know the answer to it, is that I need something to occupy my time. So as we count down to the time when I move again, I already have 4 months of work booked in the summer on job sites. Thats right, I will no longer be sitting in an office, I will have less times for things like blogging, and hiking, and taking the dog out. But I think they are worth while sacrifices, except for maybe taking the dog out. I am moving back to the place that I call home, which is to say it is the place where I was born and raised. I believe, more than anything that, that is where I belong. I have found my place...

weekend

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.  ~Bill Watterson

What did you do?

I thougt....

You might like to drive to work with me today. (if you can find a photo, of someone who ate a guardrail while taking photos while driving, let me know you know who you are ;)

Walking out the front door. The house across the way, is a ridiculously old man, whom I have named Frank, he has a beagle that is so old it has a pot belly. Which I have named Norman. I would take a picture of the only homeless man in town, whom I have named Victor, but I am not entirely sure where he spends his mornings. Victor likes Didge, but he has only met Didge when has been drunk. He also takes my cans and bottles to the bottle depot for me.

typing in the code. With the door handles, that make my hands look really small. But is also an awesome feature, since I always know where my truck keys are, in the cup holder.

The Bridge to leave town. This is not the only way to leave town, but it is the fastest, and the closest to the coffee shop. Which as of a couple years ago, also exports their delicious coffee to the United States of America.

Morning Coffee First. I go here every single morning, on the mornings when I dont feel like talking, I can place my money, and coffee card on the counter, and get my order without uttering one word. I buy enough cups of coffee through out the week, that I always get to fill up my coffee card, and have free coffee friday. Which the workers say I have to have something more expensive and new.

The Grocery store I shop at. I generally go here on tuesdays, since that is when all the deals are. Except for today, since last time, I stocked enough up.

Main Street. Main street, what can I say about it, it is what it is. Its a lot shorter than it looks.

The lake, and the last turn before work. This not the only access to the lake, there also a beach five minutes walk from my place, than there is dog beach, which is the same lake. But dogs are allowed to swim in that part.


Welsh Lakes

Stupidity? Or Courage?

Stupidity: the state, quality, or fact of being stupid.

Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

It was stupid when I was young jumping on the coffee table, and I slipped and cracked my head open.

It was stupid when I got drunk and almost ran someone off the highway.

It was stupid when I cheated Employment insurance out of money.

It's stupid anytime I lie to someone, just so that Im more comfortable.

It took courage to walk into that hospital room and see my mom in the state she was in.

It took courage to find that girl, and apologize to her for my drunken stupidness.

It took courage to walk into the EI office, and tell them that I owe them money.

It takes courage to go back to that person I lie to and tell them the truth.

I took courage to air my stupidness on my blog. Even though I know there is more than this list of stupid things I have done, and probably more to come, as I go on with life. As for the definition of courage at the top, I dont think courage is doing something without fear, but doing it regardless of the fear.

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity. ~P.J. O'Rourke


Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow. ~Mary Anne Radmacher

"Anyone can slay a dragon ...but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero. ~Brian Andreas

I thought tied in with the courage one.

Odd the things you remember

I think its weird the things you remember, no matter how long ago they were. I was in the shower this morning, I remembered way back to 1990, so I would have been 4 years old. It was in the summer, it was warm, clear, it was a sunday. We always went for ice cream on sundays, my whole family, we would bike there. The place was called subzero, and even had dog sundae's for the family pet. I was strapped into the baby seat behind my mom, it was a faded yellow colour. We crossed the tracks, my mom and I, were the last in line. Than I remember flying through the air, I flew very far, and ended up beside a chain link fence, still strapped into the seat. I remember it was a black mercedes, and he drove away. I remember lots of blood, screaming, ambulances. I remember a man on a motorcycle, it was a honda, he stopped, unstrapped me from the seat, he sat me on his knee and held me in a hug. I remember being driven to the hospital, and waiting in a cold white room, I know now, my father was there, I think he was at least. I remember the doctor came in, he was rather tall, and wearing tan slacks. He checked me over, poking and prodding, than he asked if I wanted apple juice, or a hot chocolate, and I said no. He asked if I wanted to see my mom. He took me to see here, there was several doctors and nurses around her, wearing their surgical masks, there was a lot of blood, she was screaming that she wanted to die, she broke several bones, including her whole pelvus. That is the image I am most haunted by. Than I was outside of the hospital, Mr. Black mercedes was there talking to the police, my dad went after him. I dont remember what happened, next I remember being the car, sitting in the back seat, it was very late, I think my dad was driving. I think I had shutdown after the accident, I dont remember speaking or conversations for months after that. I dont remember my dad or I speaking one word, throughtout the whole ordeal. That is my recollection.

numbers

I've seen so many numbers today that it is unbelievable. Their swirling around my head like an effin whirling dirvish, and I don't even know what a whirling dirvish is. "Im a strange bird, and Im not even a bird, and thats the strangest part" I have been through 12 months of 8 different credit card statements, and 2 different bank accounts for one companey. It's a lot of crap to get through, and I am feeling very numb, also apprehensive about moving away, which didnt hit me until yesterday. Maybe it's because I had all my hair cut off, my hair hasnt been this short in ages. Which makes me colder believe it or not, especially my ears.

The mind is the most capricious of insects - flitting, fluttering. ~Virginia Woolf

sunday morning

I can see the mtns from my bedroom window (that was just to make you jealous) I woke up too late to go to church this morning, I'm drinking coffee in bed right now watching the movie Troy. I have a dinner thingy tonight at my place, have to get groceries, wash my truck, wash myself. And I'm in bed, I'm not getting out of bed just yet ;) after all it is sunday, soak it in followers, thx for the comments and followings. Enjoy or family, revel in your aloneness, whether its a big sunday dinner, or a meal for one whie standing in the kitchen, it is still the last weekend of week.

Do not let Sunday be taken from you If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan.
Albert Schweitzer

Remember?

Prairie summers? We'd stay out all night, hitting golf balls at semi's, cat fishing, jumping off the diversion into the lake, hopping the fence into the closed down water slides, late night mcdonalds, quading, snowmobiling, bird hunting, scoring cheap beer. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Perfect work excuse.

Picture this, I am sitting at my desk, pretending to work, watching the clock till it's coffee time. My boss comes out with my report, and says "where did you get the numbers for this report?" I looked at him for a bit and answered "I drink a lot." He laughed, and walked away, perfect excuse. Except that he came out 30 seconds later and said, but really? So I gave him the real answer, and left for coffee.

Ps. If you have never listened to British India Thieves, best check em out.


The number one sign you have nothing to do at work: The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry and General White-Out has called for a new skirmish. ~Fred Barling,

Do you ever?

Do you ever have those days, where you don't wanna get up for work like regular people. Or when you get there and are sitting in front your computer, you find as many things to do that do not involve work. Well I have those days, pretty much everyday, and I still look forward to the weekend. Not because I have plans or anything, sometimes I tell people I am busy, just so that I can sit at home, and watch a movie. Actually I do that a lot, especially since I told people I am moving away.

C: Hey Jay wanna come over and have a couple of beers, play some vids or something?
J: Naw I am already half drunk, dont wanna drive.
Q: I live like 3 blocks away, walk!
J: It's cold out.
C: Whatever, come over if you want.
J: That won't happen.
C: Quit playing with youself and come over.
J: No.

JU: Hey wanna come over and play this board game with me and Phil.
J: Naw I gotta work tonigh, bunch of stuff to get caught up on.
JU: You don't work at night.
J: Sometimes I do, when I have stuff to catch up on, its more relaxing at night
JU: Well let me know if you change your mind.

I never did work that night, the funny thing is I really do enjoy going to game night, but even sitting here right now, I am not looking forward to the text that is coming tonight, that will be inviting. My storey tonight is that my truck is in the shop getting new tires. Haha I think my life is too lazy for my own good, I only work an average of 30 hours a week, and I live in a Mountain town. This is not a despondant post, just something to type and give you insight into my very carefree, bourbon filled life. Speaking of which, I should probably work more than 30 hours a week, if I like to continue purchasing bourbon.

I got.

Stuck in a snow storm, twice yesterday. once on the way there, once on the way back. Good thing I remembered my hidden truck bourbon.

switching it up

Its five o clock tequila time

questions

50 Random Questions

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?

at home.

2. Who are you in love with?

myself

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?

no.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

no.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?

december

6. Are you wearing socks right now?

yes

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?

yes

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?

today

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?

no

10. Are you hot?

of course

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?

coffee

12. What are you wearing right now?

sweat pants, plain white t, shoes, socks, boxers, jacket

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?

I wash it once a week

14. Last food that you ate?

hashbrowns

15. Where were you last week at this time?

at the cabin

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?

nope

17. When is the last time you ran?

summer

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?

college basketball

19. What is your favorite animal?

dogs!

20. Your dream vacation?

africa or australia

21. Last person's house you were in?

mine

22. Worst injury you've ever had?

cracked my head open

23. Have you been in love?

yes

24. Do you miss anyone right now?

more than one

25. Last play you saw?

romeo and juliet on the roof

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

my million dollar smile

27. What are your plans for tonight?

tequila, food, movies

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?

don't use myspace

29. Next trip you are going to take?

moving across provinces

30. Ever go to camp?

indeed

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?

heck no

32. What do you want to know about the future?

nothing

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?

abercrombie

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?

nope

35. Where is your best friend?

Winnipeg

36. How is your best friend?

pretty good

37. Do you have a tan?

not really

38. What are you listening to right now?

the typing

39. Do you collect anything?

nope

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?

janet

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?

new years eve

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?

yes

43. What does your last text message say?

i love tequila

44. Do you like hot sauce?

yes

45. Last time you took a shower?

this afternoon

46. Do you need to do laundry?

nope did it last night

47. What is your heritage?

scottish

48. Are you someone's best friend?

yessir

49. Are you rich?

nope

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?

watching dorian gray

Car Insurance

Top Ten List - Best Myspace Quizzes

I thought

I thought that it would be ok to start my truck, wearing only boxers this morning. I was wrong by the time I got too the door I was suffering, got the truck started than noticed the temperature was -29 without the windchill, than I was really suffering.

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours."  ~Robert Byrne

Didge and I....

Didge and I went to the cabin for about a week and a half. It was relaxing, cold outside, and he got the cat stuck up in a tree for a bit. But nice to sit by the fire and enjoy a bourbon or 3. Didge is not actually my dog, he is more like a nephew if that makes sense. He gets dropped off at my place for abit, so we can hang out while his "mom" works. Or I take him for the weekend and we go ice fishing, or up to the cabin. His mom, also owns a house in Mexico so she will go for a month at a time, and then I have a didge for awhile.

you should have seen...

You shoukd have seen the mountains this morning as I did the 3.5 hour drive to the big city, they were unreal, more beautiful than usual. It may have been -25 degrees (without the wind chill) but still incredible.

"The mountains shall bring peace to the people"

I told you it would happen!

So its midnight on a friday night, I've had a couple bourbons. While channel flipping I come across the famous horror movie "the exorcist". Well I was a little stoked I have never actually watch the exorcist. That was until, linda blair came down the stairs backwards and possessed. I was like holy crap, deja vu, I'm getting out here. I settled on diners drive ins and dives instead. For those that do not know I recently made a comment on someone elses blog that, dark stairwells are one of my fears. I'm scared that a demonic girl is waiting at the top to scream and come down the staurs backwards at me (hence the deja vu). Also mirrors, I will not look into a mirror if the lights are off.

My Mother

My mom got into a car accident with a semi yesterday, totaled the car, nothing left on the front end but a broken axle. Thats when I asked why are you telling me this at 11pm before I go to bed, I need time to digest the fact that you could have died. Crikey! mothers...

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts. ~Washington Irving

Since...

Since no one is going to address the elephant in the room, of me talking to myself. I have this to say in my defense. “One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.”

"While there's life, there's hope."

There does not seem like there is a lot of hoping going around. On tuesday I found out my uncle is dying in the hospital in vancouver. He tried so hard to separate himself from his family. But the bottom line is I still have memories, I still know that no matter what he is my uncle, I still know I love him. Two other ppl I know died this week in town. I may not have known them well, but it is a small town, I know them or their significant others, I feel their pain. I was at the gas station picking up a tin this evening, the guy leaving looked down and out, and when I left I asked if he wanted a ride as he was wearing only his pajamas. He told me no thx, that he had just found out 5 minutes ago that his brother had died, and that he was just going to wonder around town in his pajama's till his cleared. After leaving, I turned around, and drove around looking for him, just so that we could talk, have a chew together, empathize together. But even though it was foggy and hard to see, he had literally disappeared.

quote on keeping bourbon underneath the backseat of my truck.

you never know, where you'll be, and you just might need a drink to make the moment a little more magical. I was discussing the fact with some after I chanced upon a surprise firework show, out on the frozen lake. It was an amazing show, and I was able to enjoy it with a drink. With my hidden bottle of truck bourbon.

So....

Well, welcome back to myself, thank you thank you. Back in november I had this amazing idea that I was going to take the train back to my home province for christmas. I figured there would be great scenery and all since I'm leaving from the mountains. So I drove to the big city first, but myself a new truck (well me and bank, bought me a new truck) some new shoes, than had christmas dinner with a client of mine. The next day I drove to the train station through some of the most amazing mountain scenery I have ever seen (jasper, alberta if you care to look it up) the train left at 530 at night so basically it was dark 20 minutes later. So no train scenery, the food was actually super good. The next 26 hours of the train ride, we're not so good. Man was that boring, I finished two books just on the trip there. If I was not parked at the train station in jasper, I would have flown home after christmas. Being home was nice, I havrethe pleasure, that two of my very good friends, are my brother and brother in law. So basically I spent a week hanging out with my family, not doing much of anything. They had already celebrated christmas by the time I got there, so kinda missed out on that. But it was just nice to be home. So when I got back to my literal home, I made the decision that I am going to move back to my place of birth. I love the smell of the city when it is winter, everything is frozen, crisp, and smells fresher. It may not havemountains, but has prairies that stretch for miles and miles. In the winter the reflects of the snow laden prairies, and it is an ocean of diamonds. In the summer the wind blows across the fields, and it is like a rippling lake of wheat. Blue skies forever, northern lights, "if you don't know the prairies, you can't know the sun. I love the prairies, and I love my friends and family that live there. So merry belated christmas and happy new years y'all.