one evening

One evening an old cherokee told his grandson about a battle
That goes on inside all people. The battle is between two wolves. One is evil;
It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt,
Resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, abd ego. The other is good;
It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,
Empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and fath. Which wolf wins?

The one you feed.

Has it been that long?

Well I my extended vacation, did finally end. Around the middle of september or something, after several trips to vancouver, and a couple to Winnipeg. I just wish the summer was hotter, as I don't think I can take next years summer off, but you never know. I was never into the swing of blogging so not sure, how often I will post. Or what I should be blogging about. My mom was just out here for 5 days or so, to celebrate my birthday. I am now 24, and no I don't feel any older.

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. ~Douglas MacArthur

Everything is a ok. I want to move again. But I know my mom told a friend that I never stick with anything for an extended period of time. So I can't move back yet, I need to stay here for another year or so. Which is a long period of time when you are young. I'm still on my extended vacation, even though I pop into the office to do things. There is so much work to do, that it seems insurmountable to me, and I really have no motivation to do it. But it is piling up, and I do need to do it. I feel like there is nothing for me in this town anyway, and inside I know, I am never going to make anywhere if stay. but I really wanna go, go somewhere new. But that's what I do, I'm a wanderer, but a person can't live a life just wandering can they? They have to have a real career that they stick with for their life don't they? They have to get married and have kids, don't they? They have to follow everyone else and have the life that all of their friends are leading, don't they? I don't do that.... do I? It's a quarter past 7, and I'm a little drunk.

“To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don't worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine brightest”

Light years later or so it seems, I find myself here. On this what seems like an endless vacation, I have found myself in Winnipeg, Manitoba if you care to look it up. Winnipeg is home. When I drive downtown late at night, and it is still warm enough to drive with the windows down, since all of the concrete is heated up from the day, bon iver playing on the stereo, the sights, smells, lights, and people just hit me. And I am home.... truly home, not just where I live currently. But where everything is. When you choose to live so far away (1600 kms) give or take, you think that nothing will change and everybody is on pause until you return. The only thing that hasn't changed is the memories, and most of the time that is ok. Have you been home lately?

not quite yet

So I knew my timeline was somewhere around the line of having to post again before it was a month a part. So I am a little early. Actually I had some free time and I was sitting in front of a computer waiting for something to finish so I figured why not. Well in 5 more days, I have been on my vacation for one month, and I have accomplished a whole heck of nothing. I went to vancouver for a week and half, and ate some pretty incedible food. I have been coaching the soccer team, tomorrow and for the next two weeks before I travel home for two weeks, I am going to work in a cabinet shop just for fun. So basically that is my plan, I wished at this time I had something funny or witty to say. But I just don't.... I need to make some money.

How to Walk With Confidence Through a Dark House

"Fill the house with things and people that deserve to be knocked over, upended, smashed flat, broken, spilled, cracked, punched, kicked in the face and cursed at. Turn off the lights. Walk."

hmmm

So I've spent all day today, organizing the office into the simplest manner possible. That anyone no matter who you are could find anything pertaining to anything that they are looking for. On Friday morning I start my 3 month vacation..../young persons crises/ Back to Vancouver in a couple of weeks, my brother in law is flying out to visit me there. Ppl better not be touching shit on my desk while I am gone for this extended period of time. I am going to sneak in from time to time to set up little booby traps that will tell me if someone has been using my desk. Although it could just end up being the cleaner.

Remember ...when friends were new, dreams were un-shattered and worries few...when recess was too short and life was too long...decisions came easily without need to belong...when storks delivered the babies and passions weren't so strong...friendships were un-broken...right was right, and wrong was wrong...when bad things didn't happen...when only skinned knees brought tears and the night light in it's socket quieted all our fears...when farewell meant just for summer and real friends didn't part...the fun went on forever and never left a broken heart.

I wish I was a little kid again when all I wanted for my birthday was cupcakes for my entire class & for everyone to sing happy birthday to me.. and money never mattered because when I was little.. --» [ whatever i wanted i always got ]

I’m just an immature little kid.
I sing when I walk down the street.
I still pee with the door open and dance to the sound of the shower.
My favorite holiday is Christmas & I stay up extra late. .
When it rains I run outside in the mud.
Growing up is for nerds. <3

gave up

I had a whole post typed that that encompassed pretty much everything from when I last posted. So than I hit publish, and my whole post was deleted and blogger told me to try again. So than I gave up...

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

I'll try again when I muster up the courage.

20 questions

1. Whose baby did you last hold?
I don't hold babies, and none of my siblings have had any. We're more of we don't have time for that yet kind of peope. Especially me being the youngest.

2. What is your preferred brand of dishwashing soap?
If it suds up, I like it.

3. Cadbury Eggs or Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs?
Reese's Peanut Butter.

4. When were you last on an airplane?
December 31. Coming back from Winnipeg Manitoba

5. Are you afraid of lightning?
No I love it.

6. Something that happened to you in 1992:
Hmm I was 6 years old, so I started grade 1? or was it kindergarden?

7. When did you last run?
probably 2 weeks ago, my running is very weather dependant

8. Are you guilty of peeking in medicine cabinets?
No. I'd rather not know, what is hiding in there.

9. What guilty pleasure do you hate to admit liking?
I admit to everything.

10. Has anyone ever called you a bad influence?
no.... not yet

11. Pineapple or watermelon?
Watermelon

12. Have you ever seen the ocean, live and in person?
I have in vancouver, and in florida, and in south carolina

13. Tell us about your nickname(s).
I honestly have none.

14. Do you have a ceiling fan somewhere in your home?
In the livingroom

15. What do you look forward to most about Autumn?
colours, and scents.

16. What would I find in the trunk of your vehicle right now?
spare tire, first aid kit, 2 pairs of shoes, a pair of boots, a sweater, and a box containing everything that I throw into it when I am going to vacuum my car.

17. And in your kitchen sink?
A mug and a tea spoon.

18. Who do you kinda wanna smack?
I don't smack anybody.

19. Preferred sleepwear: nightgown? pajamas? undies? au naturel?
undies? I don't think most guys refer to them as that.

20. When you use a grocery cart at the store, do you return it to the proper place?
Normally, once last week I left it at the back of the parking lot... I'm ashamed

I was going to type a blog.....

I have been meaning to make a new post.... But I've been staying at the cabin and there is no internet. I know that may be hard for some people to comprehend, no internet, cable/sattelite tv, no radio, shotty cell phone coverage. But it is in the forest, and there is a mountain view, there is running and hot water, there is two great labradoodles, both vieing for my affection. Each becoming more and more pushy when the other gets it. Although I'm sure some people would not appreciate an 80 pound dog lieing across you while your in bed to wake you up at 7 in the morning so they can go out. I on the other hand don't mind it. So your wondering if your so content with your non internet, how are you posting this? Well it just so happens that I have a massage appointment this morning, and despite it being 2/2 stat holidays I went into the office to get some work done, and obviously to blog about it. I expect minimal creative energy to go into this blog while I am at the cabin, which is for another 3 weeks. I know, I know more minimal than I already put into yet? The answer is yes. I would post more interesting things if I knew how. It just become laborius when you want to post more than 2 pictures, and type something. Or has anyway succesfully attempted to upload a video. Crikey am I glad we don't have to pay by the minute when using the internet, I left that over night once, and it was still uploading the next day. Well I am going to attempt to set out what I planned to do, and that it is get some work done before my massage, and get back to the cabin before the dogs hate me.

20 questions

1. What movie villain scared you as a child?
None really I suppose, I loved horror movies. My mom is not so happy that I enjoy them so much.

2. Name 3 things you can't do without lately:
I can survive with nothing, I don't even have a computer at home anymore and I'm doing fine.

3. Do you take vitamins?
take or own?

4. How much of your family history do you know?
I would say none.

5. What everyday thing do you find utterly magical?
running.

6. What color is your couch?
brown, and the other one is brownish red.

7. How many phone numbers do you still know by heart?
a lot.

8. What is the best way to beat the Summer heat?
I don't, I relish it.

9. What website do you spend the most time on?
facebook I guess.

10. How many songs are on your iPod?
3000 and something I believe.

11. Have you ever flown first class?
I have not.

12. Do you read the comments others have left on a blog or Facebook post before you?
yes.

13. What is the furthest trip you've ever taken by car?
14.5hrs from winnipeg to kansas city.

14. What is the oldest item in your freezer?
some bbq pork roast from July of last year.

15. When do you iron: all at once after doing your laundry? On an as-needed basis? Never?
never.

16. What color are your toenails usually?
Um... natural?

17. When did you last see fireworks?
driving home on new years eve.

18. What do you love most about where you currently live?
Mountains/hiking.

19. What makes you follow a particular blog?
It needs to "draw me in."

20. Have you ever seen a Broadway show?
nope, I saw Romeo and Juliet ballet if that counts?

8

What must we do in order to grow?

Helicopter

So I took a helicopter to a birthday party the other day, at the top of the mountain. My pictures are a little dark, I didn't want the flash reflecting off of the window and distracting Carl the pilot, who would then plummet us to death somewhere in the mountains where no one would find us. I got tired of waiting for photos to upload, so I only uploaded 4...

tomorrow...

I am going a helicopter. Too the top of the mountain, for a bday party. Perhaps I will remember my camera.

“Of all the thirty-six alternatives, running away is best.”
“Running away will never make you free”
“Adventure must start with running away from home”
“A good snapshot stops a moment from running away.”
“I've finally stopped running away from myself. Who else is there better to be?”

Thx Pukka.

I wanted to be....

I wanted to be one of those people who have streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity. But for now, at least I knew such people, and they needed me, just like comets need tails.

Missing someone isn't...

Missing someone isn't about how long it's been
since you've seen them last or the amount of time
since you've talked. It's about that very moment
when you're doing something and you wish, you
wish that they were right there with you.

The weather was warm, warm enough that I could fly down the highway with the sunroof wide open, explosions in the sky came on to seranade me as I hit the tunnel. The mixture of the lights, ocean, and warm air blowing through my hair, brought back great memories. And I couldn't help think that I would not be able to see you in person to brag that I went back to west van. I parked the car and took the train downtown (an adventure in it's self), I was downtown on granville when the riot happened, I shopped at under ground and got another new pair of shoes. I bought great matix jeans, drank great coffee, but skipped the crepes. I walked forever downtown, so many ppl, there was a group of indie kids marching down the street with a drum, a trombone, a trumpet and a guitar. I stood and watched they just marched to their own beat, and played music, with the biggest smiles on their faces. The girl beating the drum dressed just like you. I soaked everything in, but I was alone. I drank beer, and smoked on the patio at the apartment on valentines day, with the amazing lights all lit up. I woke up looking at the ocean, and started the drive home, and thought hey I miss hanging out with you.

-Josh

20 Questions

1. What was the easiest subject for you in school?
English, history, oh and consumer math ;)

2. Three signs Autumn is here:
leaves, temperature, food, festivals, mtn peaks start to get snow.

3. What is your favorite flavor of potato chip?
Regular followed by sea salt and malt vinegar.

4. What is your favorite dessert to get at a restaurant?
mile high mud pie, I don't really eat dessert

5. Where is your favorite place to go when you need some time alone?
my car on the road. I just get in, music on, 120 km/hr, sport tuned suspension, I call it "Putting km's on my soul"

6. Scatter-brained or organized?
Organized.

7. Would you pay extra for a room with a view?
It would depend on the amount of extraness.

8. What is your favorite black-and-white movie?
I've never watched a full black and white movie.

9. What's the best part of the playground?
the swings.

10. Which do you prefer: the activity of city life or the peacefulness of country life?
I love peacefulness, I live in a small town, and even when I stay outside of the town in the boonies it's amazing. But there is just something about Vancouver, when I go there to visit, absolutely huge city, but brilliant. PS. I will be in Van city this weekend.

11. The color yellow makes me think of:
prairie grass, sunflowers.

12. What was the last tv program you watched?
latest episode of 24.

13. How old were you when you got your first bank account?
11 I belive from the bank of Nova Scotia.

14. What is your most productive time of day?
Afternoonish, it's when my brain is actually switched on.

15. Ketchup goes on:
hot dogs. cheeseburgers. French fries.

16. Which room in your home needs the most cleaning attention right now?
Probably my bathroom.

17. What bill do you hate to pay the most?
Cell phone, it's a surprise everytime I get it, how much it is... Which means it's also a surprise to the boss, when I turn in the bill for partial re-imbursement.

18. Why did you choose the shirt you are wearing today?
It was on top, when I opened the drawer.

19. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No.

20. Where was the hangout spot when you were a teenager?
anywhere.

This is...

This is where I'm blogging today


This is where normally blog


This is what I did on saturday for 14hrs



This is how I feel today


I had a crazy nightmare, and didn't sleep well last night


This is what I am doing today, my head is starting to hurt


Today I miss my mom


Thats it.

Weary

I am tired.

So.... New years

Was fricking cold! It was cold at my parents, it was cold at the airport, where of course my 6th and last flight of year was delayed thats six for six, get on to the plane and they had not even turned on the heat yet! Than it was delayed even more so that they could de ice the wings. So 1.5 or so later I land, and grab the shuttle to the hotel where my car is parked, did I mention that it was freezing there as well? Once at the parking lot, I realized the block of ice in the corner was actually my car. I started the drive home, past 10PM at night so my new years would be on the road. As I was approaching banff about 1.5 hours into my 3.5 hour drive, it hit midnight, and the phone calls and texts started to come in, the mountains that were just silhouettes began to have fire works explode over the ridges, and peaks. It was amazing, I decided I really needed to have something to eat, since my trip home had started 6 hours ago. I stopped in banff for a bite, and went to the only restaurant that I knew was open. Turned out it was not so much of a restaurant that night, it was nuts! They're was a dj and people dancing everywhere, I had to wait about 20 min before a waiter came to my table and I ordered my taco's and beers. My taco's came and then there was people dancing and grinding about a foot from my face. At this point one of the dancers exposed here naked vagina to me, as I continued to eat. I decided it was time to hit the road since I still had at least an hour and a half to go. So I paid, and I as I was leaving there was two girls grinding and making out. Haha so it was quite an adventure, I left and started the drive, I was just about in town when I got pulled over. The constable asked where I was coming from and I was like oh Winnipeg. Too which he looked at me funny, told me to drive slower, and left. That was my New years eve.

Finally....

Well I hope your holidays were happy, your christmas merry, and your new years.... newish? One more day and it would have been a month since I last made a post, and I of course could not let that happen. So here I am sitting at work enjoying a delicious cup of kicking horse, the snow is falling, about 3 inch's so far this morning of fresh fresh powder. I bet your all saying wow your totally going boarding today eh? No, no I am not. A day in the life of Josh, I wake up 530AM, I make my bed, I make breakfast and eat it watching a television show, than shower and dress. drive to the office for 7, go to the coffee shop for 930, now this is the first time I use my voice from 530-930 its pretty awesome. Coffee can last any where from 15 minutes to an hour, depends on who is there. Back to the office, and work till 3. Than the gym, than some groceries, than home to relax until bed time. Pretty slack I know, christmas was rough up til 4 in the morning everyday for 2 weeks, freezing my butt off, hanging out with friends and family, and especially my dog. I really have nothing interesting to say, so I am going to sign off early, christmas was great, freezing but great, new years was pretty awesome, I will blog about that next time.